Potty Mouth Leadeship

If you have been watching the news lately you may be outraged, hurt, confused, sadden, irritated, etc. at what has happened in Charlottesville and by how the President has responded to it. I know I am. This morning I listened to "The Ricky Smiley Show" and he was so upset with the things that have taken place and the response from Trump. I am as well. I then turn over to the "Bert Show" and hear Bert telling his frustration with what has happened as well and I too stand alongside him. Here are a Black man and White man both feeling hurt, mad, frustrated, sad, irritated, outraged with what has happened in our country. They both see the injustice and know that the response Trump gave is not what the country needed. As Bert said "Our Country needed a leader yesterday, but we didn't have one." My youngest son Caiden who is 9 years old has known from day one that Trump would not be a good fit as President. He says Trump has a potty mouth. I tend to agree and find it fitting that a 9 year old can know and understand more than a lot of adults do. Trump has sexualized women, diminished the value of life during the Orlando Night Club Shooting, and now here he is once again diminishing the value of lives by allowing these hate groups to still practice and cause harm to innocent people. Now before anyone comments and says well there were violent people on both sides, I agree with you. Some protestors take it too far, and fighting violence with violence is never the answer. However, killing someone or hurting someone because they look different than you, believe different than you, or act different than you is never the answer either. If the courts can prosecute a girl for sending texts messages to her boyfriend "to kill himself" and he in fact does it, then why can't these groups be held accountable for inciting violence and racism.
 I used to believe that in this country if you worked hard enough that you could get anywhere you wanted to in life. I believed that your life depended on your actions alone and no one else's. It is becoming more evident in today's society that this in fact is not true for every American. I am biracial -- my mom is white and my dad is black. As a young child in kindergarten I went to a school in North Carolina where I believed it was not ok to be "Black". I was afraid to tell anyone that my dad was "Black". I told the teachers my dad was "white" and when he came to pick me up at school they refused to let him take me. My mom had to come get me. I as that little child felt scared because of ridicule from others about my fathers skin color. I now have 2 boys who have to grow up in this world. My oldest son has faced and continues to face racism. My children are biracial, however, that has not stopped kids from saying things like " I can't be your friend because you're black, " "my dad can beat your dad up," "you are a brownie," "my parents say I can't date someone who is black." I hurt for my oldest because he is a smart, intelligent, hard working, responsible, dependable, faithful, honest, encouraging, uplifting, young man but people will not give him a chance because of something God gave him and he can't change it. Nothing hurts more than knowing your child is hurting and there is nothing you can do to fix it. My son would treat any girl with respect and dignity and you would think that's what would be important to her parents but no the color of his skin makes them look at him differently. My mom dated white men and black men who both physical and emotionally abused her. There is the potential of evil in every living being. I will raise my sons to be respectful, loving, kind, generous, devoted, trustworthy, faithful, honorable, encouraging, strong, Christian men. They will not mistreat anyone because they know their parents will not stand for it. They will stand up for what's right because they know the trials their parents have faced and fought and won. They will know that there is evil in the world and the way to combat it is with love and the never ending cycle of raising children to see the world as it should be seen "we are all human beings and everyone deserves to be treated as such." I think our country is headed in the wrong direction and until leadership takes a stand and says bigotry and hatred from anyone will not be tolerated and will be prosecuted then the country will continue to divide. When will people awake and see that other countries hurting America is not the problem. The problem is here at home in our own country. We are killing each other and Trump doesn't take it personally. But let the so called "fake media" speak out about something he said and he jumps in defense mode. I'm sorry Mr. President when you took office you made a vow to do what's right for America. Dividing the country is not the way to make America Great Again. The morale to all of this is racism still exists today and its not just white and blacks it against everyone and until we (everyone) takes a stand for whats right and speak up when something wrong happens nothing will change.

Love is Not Easy...But It's Worth It

Just like the title says love is not easy. Sometimes it is the hardest, scariest thing you will ever do. If you think you have loved wait until you become a parent and you will be hit with a new form of love that can not be easily explained. You love someone that is truly 100% dependent on you for all things even as they begin to walk, talk, and make their own decisions. Love can hurt when your child says, I'm too old for kisses mama." Love is scary when you let your child spend their first night away from home, their first day of school, first date, first "real" girlfriend, etc. Love is unconditional and no matter what your child says, does, or acts you still love them with all their heart. Last night we had a real conversation that has been a long time coming. Our oldest Ricky was born to us when we were 14 and 17 years old. He was a sick baby to say the least but he powered through with us there by his side at every moment. He was and still is an amazing drummer. He has so much musical talent oozing from him it is crazy. He was always and still is at the top of his class in testing and overall achievement. He is so active in lots of things that we sit in awe at how he can go to football practice at 6:30am, attend school and make straight A's, soccer practice after school til 6, study for Joshua's Law, and work on the weekends. He never lets his guard down so to know that something is wrong with him is like finding a needle in a haystack. Well last night we found the needle. See even though Ricky is amazing and strong he also has a breaking point just like you and I. This soon to be 16 year old is under a lot of stress and instead of talking to his parents he has tried to shelter us from it because he feels we have enough stress on us. He carries the weight of the world on his shoulders and never once did we see it. He has felt like the 3rd wheel in the family and felt that our lives were messed up because we had him so young. This is the farthest thing from the truth. We talked til 11pm last night reassuring our son that he was the best thing that happened to us and that no matter what he says, does, or how he acts we will always love him because he is a part of us. We told him that we know what it feels like to fail and how hard it is to come back from a failure that we work hard to make sure he does not have to experience that. We do things for him that we wished as kids we had. We told him that he is our son from the day he was born til the day God calls us home and even then he will still be ours. We told him how proud we are of him for all the things he does and how he accomplishes everything he puts his mind to. Last night was nothing we expected to happen but it was well needed. Our son needed his parents to be by his side and help him and we did that. Our son was crying for much needed one on one attention and he received it. Children do not come with a manual and most of the time we handle things incorrectly but last night I think we got it right for a change. Ricky now knows to infinity and beyond that his parents love, adore, and admire him and that will never change. He knows that the stress he has he can talk to us about it and that we don't expect him to do all these things that cause stress. He knows that school work comes first and everything else is a choice. He knows that no matter what everyday he will come home to a family that will love him for who he is, help him, encourage him, and help him get back on track. At the end of the day our son knows that his mom and dad love him unconditionally and nothing will change that. Ricky were NOT and never will be a mistake. You are our son and we love you to the moon and back. You are an amazing, smart, helpful, courteous, kind, loving, sweet, handsome, friendly, son, friend, brother, etc. We love you.

Vaughn Family Newsletter 2016

It's that time of year again. Christmas is already upon us. 2016 was a year filled with lots of great moments. While creating the newsletter I tried to mention all of the ones that stood out. I hope the newsletter brings you joy and helps you remember the great times you had this year.

Little Things

The little things count the most. I have heard this saying said many different ways but it all means the same...The little things are what matter. My sister and her 2 sons and our niece moved in with us a couple weeks ago. Her oldest son still has issues waking up at night to go to the bathroom. He had an accident the other morning. Well to my surprise Caiden jumped into action. He helped get him in the bathroom and washed up. Caiden stepped in like he knew exactly what to do. He never thought twice. Never made fun of him. He told him what to do and got him a rag and some body wash and cleaned him up. He made my heart smile. Then yesterday Caiden was outside with 2 of his friends and they were being boys running around in the woods. One of his friend's leg got caught on a briar and scratched him up pretty good. Caiden jumped into action. Brought him in the house and pulled out the Band-Aids. Before it was over Caiden had used 3 Band-Aids. :) He told his friend to come sit down and he went to work bandaging up his wound. This little boy amazes me. He can be so caring and loving and put others before himself. Its like he has a knack for taking care of others. Guess he got that from me... These little things make my heart smile and reminds me that yes I am doing a good job raising him. Yes he is learning great lifelong skills. No it will not always perfect but Caiden will surprise me and remind me that God never said it would be perfect and he never said it would be easy but he promises it will be worth it in the end....

To an Abuser

This post is for all the women and children who have been or continue to be abused by someone. You the abuser are a coward. You like to make others feel less than you. You like to control how others feel and you want to be the "macho" person whether you are a woman or man. It makes no difference in gender. Both can be abusers. I was abused as a child and I saw my mom, grandmother, sisters, cousins, etc be abused. I saw the women in my life turn to men who did not deserve them. I saw my mom choose men over her children countless times and that ultimately cost her, her children. I became the protector and tried to help my mom and protect my sisters. Once you see abuse it is forever burned in your memory and one scent, one word, one touch, one picture, one person can bring all those emotions flooding back. To the abuser you have got to stop. You ruin lives. You steal the innocence from children and you cause them to fear people. To the abuser you cause catastrophic chaos that leads to depression, that leads to abuse from the victim to others, that leads to a never ending cycle until someone is brave enough to stop it. To the abuser you may get you way in this world which is so unfortunate but God is the creator of all things and he will make you answer for your wrong doing. I am so fortunate to have a loving, caring, encouraging husband, who also was witness to abuse and made the decision to not follow the same track. I saw my mom be destroyed by her abusers and internally we were destroyed along with her. Til this day when i see her abusers walking around it causes me pain, anxiety, stress, anger, resentment, etc. I know these people still have a hold of me in that instant and that angers me more. I am a strong person but when you hurt someone I love I take it personally and it remains with me forever. To the abuser you will not win. You are not strong you are weak. You any not courageous you are scared. You are not a man. You will not win this ultimate fight. For the one who sees all, knows all, and creates all will have the last word and for that I find strength. To the victims I pray for you to see the other side od fhe track and choose to be the barrier in the cycle of abuse. I pray for you to seek God so you can be strong and stop the cycle. I have a heart for helping people...guess I learned that at an early age and it has stayed with me since. I will continue to speak out for what is right and for what I believe in. Abuse is wrong no matter who you are, what you look like, what your religion is, etc. Abuse is abuse. See it, stop it, stand up for what is right